As we all know, Los Angeles isn’t exactly the most commuter-friendly city. The bus system can be difficult to decipher, the road conditions are a wasteland of flat-tire, pot-hole laden traps and the subway just doesn’t go the extra mile. But, the warm weather months are perfect for swapping your four-wheeled transportation for the two-wheels of a bicycle. Granted if you live in the valley and work on the West side, this isn’t gonna be your go-to method of daily transport, but a jaunt up to the local bar or grocery store can be a perfect opp to get your peddle on.

Get Wheels

Ditch 4 wheels and try 2.

If you are in the market for a bicycle, you should first know the various types of rides and what would suit your road warrior needs best. Beach cruisers, while adorable, are really best for relatively short, flat stretches of land. Their wide tires are perfect for the busy, sandy boardwalks that line coastal cities such as Santa Monica, Malibu and Venice. The downfall of these comfy cruisers is that they are big, heavy and often do not have gears. This doesn’t hinder your Venice Beach pub crawl, but it would be a painful trek on the side of PCH.

If you need more flexibility from your wheels, but can still tackle the seaside communities, you may want to look into a hybrid. Hybrids are great commuter bikes that are relatively comfortable, have gears and are generally an all purpose bike. Many variations exist from those meant for the mountains, the street and even racing.

Finally, if you are taking mostly streets with bike lanes or plan a more extended commute, a road bike would suit your needs. Road bikes come in a huge variety, including the popular fixed gears. These bikes are light, built for speed and long distance. Picture Lance Armstrong…this is how he rolls.

Our recommendations for new bike shops would be Helen’s Cycles, Performance Bike Shop, Bike Attack and Bikecology. Yet, you can always get the knowledge from a pro at one of these establishments (or the interweb) and take to your own search on Craigslist or the classifieds. This Survivor suggests checking out HB Bike Shop. It’s a bit of a trek down to Huntington, but you can save some dough by purchasing a restored old road bike. With a little love and tenderness, you wheel her back to glory. Thus, you’ll need to get some know-how on bike maintenance.

Get Skills

Throughout Los Angeles there are a few shops that are run by volunteers where they will teach you how to make repairs and adjustments to your ride. They have the tools and the knowledge ready and waiting to aid you on your biking dilemma. Usually a small fee is requested for their service in the area of $5 to $10, but it’s a steal for the understanding you gain. A few such places are Bike Oven for the downtown sect, Bikerowave for the Westsiders and Bicycle Kitchen located just off Melrose.

Get Involved

Once you get your ride set up, and you are on the open road, if you want to join other

Group rides are great for meeting new people.

like-minded bikers, many group rides exist and are usually open to new members. If you’ve even been stuck in your car behind a wall of bike riders, that was probably the Los Angeles Critical Mass (or Santa Monica). A rowdier bunch, the Midnight Ridazz, have rides which include bar crawls and are typically an evening festivity. More rides pop up often, and are pretty easy to find once you get involved. Get to know the regulars, and they will keep you in the loop. Or, check out the facebook page of Critical Mass and start a conversation on their wall. You will get answers.

And final thought – While riding your bike is good for your body, your air and your city, you must also remember you are on a bike in Los Angeles. Drivers have been sitting in traffic for hours and often don’t have the patience to wait for you to make it through a yellow light. Pay attention to cars, and make sure to get proper protective equipment. Sure, helmets make you look a little ridic, but they will also save you a*s in a spill. For wheel. – Lori Bartlett

Vindictive Vin

Greetings! My name is Vindictive Vin and it is not a pseudonym. In fact, it is another facet of my complex and obsessive compulsive personality. I am here to answer questions about life, love and relationships. Why? Because I can. Make no mistake, I’m a nice guy. And yes, that was a stolen shot. And yes, I love California. Yes, I am back for no apparent reason and will be gone again just in time for the afternoon break. Got a problem with that?

If you have L.A. dilemmas, send me your questions at dr.joint665@gmail.com or STC editor, lori@survivethecity.com.

Dear Vindictive Vin,

I need some advice regarding my neighbor. She’s an older lady who lives alone.  Every morning around 6 a.m., I hear her open her closet (which backs up to my bedroom). Then, she turns on some sort of machine that makes a low-pitched humming noise. I don’t know if it’s a fan, a steam cleaner, massage chair or what exactly, but it makes the most annoying sound! I knocked on her door to inquire about the noise and she completely denied it. Yet, every morning, like clockwork, the noise begins, and then it shuts off right before I hear her leave her apartment. I don’t want to interrogate her too much; there’s only so much confrontation I can put up with. She’s a simple, kind lady who has probably decided she’s going to live and die in this apartment. Fact is, if she doesn’t stop annoying me, she just might.  Help!

~Tormented Tenant

There is nothing more shameful and unpleasant than trying to deal with an old lady. You want to be respectful and cordial at all times, but like the clutch pedal in a Nissan Maxima – it just doesn’t work. You said it yourself. The old lady denied the incidence of said ruckus despite your desperate plea. What should an educated and well-rounded citizen do in a situation like this?

If you happen to live in an apartment complex or condo, you can talk to the building administrator about the problem. If you don’t mind looking like a heartless fool and being the source of ridicule to all the employees inside the administrative office (rest assured that the rubbernecks are all preachers and followers of all the latest building gossip) then go ahead and air your complaint. I dare you to try.

There is a more civilized way to deal with this problem. Whatever that machine may be, we are pretty sure that it is run by electricity (unless the old lady pioneers in Cold Fusion or something.) First, deal with the cabinet problem. I have two words for you: Ear Plugs. They will not only isolate outside noise, but will help keep your ears cleaner, too. Just don’t forget to wake up when the fire alarm goes on.

At this point, the ear plugs would have been enough to isolate your tired and

Oops! (wink)

wretched soul from the daily Grandma assault. Want to get rid of the machine? Try sabotage. Grab some good coffee and put it in a pot along with some nice desserts. Knock on Grandma’s door and invite yourself in for some 6 a.m. coffee. Look for the source of the noise and pretend to spill the entire pot of coffee directly on the machine. Pretend to be perplexed and eternally sorry for the incident. Explain to Grandma that you will get the useless-piece-of-annoying-noisy-shit contraption fixed even though it is still working. Grab the appliance, run out the door in a hurried manner, enter your apartment, grab the biggest hammer you can find and repeatedly pound on the machine with all your might until it turns into a useless heap of crap. Then shout “let me see you make some noise now motherf**er!!”

Turn on your computer (or head to the nearest Internet café… you sorry piece of sh*t) and log on to eBay or Amazon. Find a replacement machine that is quieter and more state-of-the-art and give grandma the present. Note: If we are talking about a sewing machine then good luck pounding the sucker with a hammer, let alone rushing out the door in a hurried manner. Better settle for the ear plugs instead.

Send me an email via Dr.Joint665@gmail.com or follow me via facebook! I would love to hear your comments, queries, suggestions or similar advice.  Until then, stay civilized and try to stay out of trouble.

Bust out your calendars and pens, and get ready to mark down the must-know L.A. events in the upcoming months. While you may not go to all of them or even have an interest in all of them, it’s good to know what’s going on in town. I guarantee a few of these will not only tie up the time of your friends, but also traffic and travel. Without further ado, check out the highlights of L.A. Spring:

March

Sunday, the 13th - Daylight Savings Time Begins

Remember to “spring forward” this Sunday and look forward to sunlight lasting longer into the evening, and sleeping in with less birds chirping.

Thursday, the 17th – St. Patrick’s Day

Throw back some brews and feel the luck of the Irish. Erin go bragh!

Recognize the patron saint of Ireland by tossing back a few at the pub. The St. Patty’s Fest is just one of the Hollywood St. Pat’s events with plenty of good brews and green attire.

Saturday and Sunday, the 19th – 20th – L.A. Times Travel and Adventure Show

Discover new adventures and hear about exotic travel from the experts. Tickets for the L.A. Times Travel and Adventure Show are $12 with the event held at the Convention Center.

Sunday, the 20th – L.A. Marathon

The 26th year for the annual race where runners go from Dodger Stadium to the Santa Monica Pier. For more information on joining, cheering or just avoiding traffic, check out the L.A. Marathon link.

April

Friday, the 1st – Opening Day at Dodger Stadium

Take me out to the ballgame...for Dodger Dogs!

The boys in blue take to the diamond to kick off the season. In the opener, they play the San Fransisco Giants. The Opening Day fest includes Friday night fireworks.

Saturday, the 9th – L.A. Beer Fest

The annual event is at Sony Studios. Visitors to Beer Fest get 3 hours to down as many tiny tasty glasses of brew as they can with live music and food vendors galore.

Friday, the 22nd – Earth Day

Los Angeles is laden with a heavy earth conscience and hippy crowd, so Earth Day matters. Check out the multitude of clean, green events here.

Saturday, the 30th – The Doo Dah Parade

This annual eclectic event garners all kinds of attention for it’s interesting mix of show and spectacle.  Check out what the Doo Dah Parade is all about and see their route.

Saturday and Sunday, the 30th – 1st – L.A. Times Festival of Books

This literary paradise is held at USC for FREE. For more information on parking and about the event, see the L.A. Times site here.

May

Sunday, May 8th – Fiesta Broadway

Nearly 24 blocks of downtown L.A. play host to a throng of people. Though the celebration is for the previous Thursday, Cinco de Mayo, it is held yearly on a Sunday.

Sunday, May 15th – Topanga Banjo and Fiddle Contest

On the legendary Paramount ranch, 3 stages host a number of contests and concerts. The Contest also has booths of folk art and goods.

June

Friday, the 17th - Opening Night at the Hollywood Bowl

Celebrate opening night with Harry Connick, Jr.

The classic L.A. icon opens the season with a concert featuring Harry Connick, Jr. Grab the snacks and the wine for a lovely night under the stars.

Thursday – Sunday, the 17th – 26th – Los Angeles Film Festival

Attracting thousands of guests each year, the Film Fest is a tribute to film making and the silver screen.

This is just a sampling of all our illustrious city has to offer for the spring. We failed to mention beaches, hikes, bike rides, wine tours, holidays and everything in between. When you really think about it, despite the traffic and the big city aspects, Randy Newman had it right. I love L.A. – Lori Bartlett

“Home is where the heart is”  – Some Guy

”I hate Natalie Portman movies. You’re talking about that movie ‘Where the Heart Is,’ right? Oh you’re not? Whatever, let’s go buy this keg.” - Yassir Lester’s intelligent retort

Bad apartment magnet, Yassir Lester

If you know me in real life, you know that there is one thing I’m really good at: Getting sh*tty apartments. I’m not even good at it; more like I am a master of picking a dwelling that has a spirit living inside and is intent on killing me, or at the very least making me uncomfortable. I’ve dealt with it all: Bed bugs, mold (currently), loud sex neighbors (and not the good loud either cause I knew what they looked like), smelly foods, kids, scary neighborhoods, the list goes on. I don’t want you to deal with this. So like I always do, I’m going to impart some wisdom that I’ve come across in my misfortune.

START LOOKING NOW

You thinking maybe that you’ve been at your place for five years and they still haven’t fixed your garbage disposal so it you should leave? The moment you decide that you want to move, start looking. Craigslist.org clearly has an entire section devoted to housing, but there’s also westsiderentals.com (costs money, or you can hustle a password out of a friend), rent.com, apartments.com and may others. You do not want to waste time B.S.’ing and assuming that you’ll find a place through happenstance. The moment Katie (my girlfriend) and I decided to move, we were on Craigslist. We’ve done the shuffle before and we knew that landlords in L.A. like to take their time in setting you up in a unit.

Avoid these nasty critters by checking out the Bed Bug Registry.

At this very moment, my brother, Isaiah, is learning this. He turned in all of his pay stubs and credit reports two weeks ago and the landlord is still lagging in giving him an answer. And he actually has GOOD credit. So, imagine if you’ve got a blip on your report from a few years ago? Give yourself ample time to look at every place you like, to inspect it, to research it on bedbugregistry.com and talk to neighbors in the building. You don’t wanna be stuck in a place you hate, just you so can move again in a year to another mediocre apartment.

DON’T SETTLE

This is important, and I may need to rephrase it. I don’t mean you have expensive tastes, and you think that your living room should look like a hotel lobby in Dubai. I mean make sure you have the stuff you’re going to need. If you live in an upstairs unit, make sure there’s an air conditioner. If you live in a lower unit, make sure the upstairs neighbors aren’t stomping the yard at 10 o’ clock every night. If you have kids, check the schools, teachers and what kind of kids go there. If your kid is a shrimp, they shouldn’t be going to an alternative school. If you’re an alcoholic or “just like a drink every now and then,” make sure there’s a bar nearby, within walking distance, and you won’t get jumped going home. Finally…

HAVE MORE THAN ONE PLACE LINED UP

Make sure your have your heart set on more than one dream place.

You found it? You found your dream place for  you, your special someone and your pet. And the living room DOES look like a hotel lobby in Dubai. Guess what? Someone else got it…and now you hate them. And you know exactly where they live now, too. It would be easy to just make them disappear and you could pretend to be them and take over their great lives. But that would be psychotic, and the fact that you even think like that means you need professional help. Seriously. Here’s what I’m saying: Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. I think the guy that said “Home is where the heart is,” also said this egg quote. He must’ve really thought he was great. You don’t want to bank on getting this place, it falling through, then you’re back at square one with only 10 days before you move. Have a few lined up that you’re really in love with. Also this is important: HAVE MONEY FOR APPLICATIONS. They cost about $25 to $35 a piece, so also make sure you really want to apply to the place you’re looking at.

Then, tell your friends they have to help you move or you’re going to tell his girlfriend that he cheated on her six months ago at a bar in Pico Rivera. And the same goes for you girls. I know you’re just as conniving and sneaky. I hope everyone has a Happy Valentine’s Day.

Love,

Yassir Lester

www.thelatenightfix.com

A gaze at Manna’s menu reads like a small farm’s worth of animal products with beef, chicken and pork in various forms (and parts) pictured in the raw.

It's what's for dinner.

Korean BBQ is an experience best saved for the candid carnivore, as a meal is typically meat laden enough to turn PETA’s vegan belly into hemp knots. But for those who like to indulge in all sorts of meaty delights, Manna’s All You Can Eat menu almost does seem like it’s sent from heaven.

This past weekend, a group of the STC staff and a few extra Survivors headed over to one of the newer additions to the K-BBQ family. While for an authentic experience the original Manna in Koreatown is best, we decided to try the second location at the Westfield Fox Hills mall. The location is a bit odd as the restaurant is about as far from typical mall fare as one can think. I mean this is not exactly your T.G.I. Friday’s experience. But, the perks of free parking and popping into Target, beat the oddity of the locale.

On this particular weekend, we were celebrating the momentous occasion of the 30^th birthday of our friend, Andrew. Many of us at the table were Korean BBQ virgins, thus the veterans took the reins when ordering. For those not in the know, Manna has several “rules” for dining. Along with typical buffet-style restaurant rules such as “no food may be taken from the restaurant,” Manna insists that if one person in the party is going to order “Unlimited BBQ Meat,” the whole party must either do the same or order a specialty item. The bill charged is based on the number of people seated at the end of the meal. Yet, before you start ordering up pounds of Porky Pig, keep in mind Manna’s final note: “…You will be additionally charged for any meat you don’t consume.” Thus, if you order it, you better be ready to eat the beef or the tab. Our party consisted of about 15, and we all agreed on the “Unlimited” feast.

One of the thing’s you’ll likely notice if it’s your first time at K-BBQ, is that the tables are equipped with tiny fire pits for grilling. Put your chef hat on, because all the meat coming your way is also on you to cook. Our big party had two grills going, and since the meats are thinly sliced, there was never too much of a delay in getting some tasty satisfaction. A few key tips to remember. Keep one set of tongs for touching raw meat, and the other for cooked. Also, keep the meats from touching one another when cooking. It’s seems best to keep a rotating circle of who is the grill master. It’s a task that does require attention, so if you want to have a serious conversation, this is not the dinner for you. I would say it’s great for groups or maybe couples that have nothing left to talk about. First dates and/or romantic evenings are probably better at one of L.A.’s many other restaurants where someone else cooks for you.

But, back to the meat…since we ordered Combo A, we got an assortment of meats including beef brisket, chicken bulgogi, pork bulgogi and short rib. Our table seemed to favor the meats with spices. The grill adds a distinctly smoky flavor, and the freshness is immediately apparent. Along with the array of meats, you are served a variety of side dishes. These dishes are a yummy veggie mix including glass noodles, potato salad, kimche, radish muchae, soybean spouts and cabbage kimchi. Also, rice paper wrap and radish wraps so you can use your meat and toppings to make a taco of sorts. A soy sauce and a sesame oil sauce are provided for dipping.

Another way Manna differs from mall fare is that this is not fast food. It’s more about the experience and freshness of the meats, than getting in and out (or In & Out – though we will never disparage them.) For our birthday celebration, grilling the meats, making tiny tacos and sipping on some Soju made for a relaxing environment to have conversations with new friends.

The décor of the restaurant is very modern and minimalist, including an illuminated clock chiming every time you ring for more meat. It leaves a little something to be desired, but is upscale when you consider the other mall options. Yet, you can easily go in any clothing and be perfectly comfortable. The service also lacks a little, but the buzzers in the middle of the table give you meat on demand. One inconvenience at our table was a giant metal box in the middle for the vent of the grill. It divides the party a bit, but I have to say I appreciate leaving not reeking of oily, fatty meats.

Definitely a birthday surprise.

Since, it was a big b-day at our table, we asked the waiter if he could do a little something special. And, boy, could he deliver. On special occasions at Manna, your waiter will give the person of honor a special “treat.” Again, this isn’t T.G.I. Friday’s clapping and singing. The guest of honor is pulled aside as loud techno rings through the restaurant. Our birthday boy, Andrew, was given an artfully cut orange with a candle and a glass of champagne. As we all clapped and cheered, the waiter shakes the champagne bottle to the point of explosion in order to give Andrew a proper sparkly shower. I have to say, for me, it was the highlight of the night.

When the tab came, we all checked our plates to make sure that we were meat free. We had quite a few bottles of various kinds of booze, and a few extras, but the total came out to a pretty reasonable $40 per person including tip. Have to hand it to the waiters here; they divided the check evenly for us. A task no one wants to undertake in these large party situations. For a whole heap of meat, some tasty sides, a few glasses of beer or Soju and the wet embarrassment of a friend, it very fair and fun evening. – Lori Bartlett

We posed the question, “What is the ONE thing you must do as soon as you move to Los Angeles?” We asked our participants to stick to the basics and cover the less fun, more practical aspects of living in this town. And the readers have spoken.

Congrats to Entry #1 by Cara Gayle Grippin!

Check out her entry below:

When I first moved to L.A. in May 2005 I was awestruck and terrified. Of the movie stars and earthquakes, you ask? Not even! I was completely in awe of the sheer number of vehicles on the road at any given time and terrified of how to safely drive among them! The first thing I learned at the intersection of La Cienega and Hollywood Blvd. is that you HAVE to turn left on orange (that tiny window between yellow and red) or you will be cursed, honked and gestured to wildly. And that’s not an Angeleno’s version of flirting! Also, completely infuriating to me was the parking regulation signs, a.k.a ticket traps! You need a high IQ and an elephants memory to completely comprehend all the rules! I would suggest any newbie take a seriously long walk around their neighborhood memorizing all the street cleaning days and hours within their first 24 hours in the City of Angels! Oh, and take those temporary “filming” parking signs seriously. They WILL tow. Listen up rookies, the first thing you need to do when you move to Los Angeles is to start driving (and parking) like the locals. And of course, learn from my mistake…s.

Thanks to all who entered and voted. Keep an eye out for more contests in 2011!

Welcome all our faithful Survivors to the first ever Survive the City writing contest. We posed the question, “What is the ONE thing you must do as soon as you move to Los Angeles?” We asked our participants to stick to the basics and cover the less fun, more practical aspects of living in this town. And in typical L.A. fashion, while we were hoping for 10 contestants, we had a few umm…well, not exactly make it to the party. But the entries we did receive are quite stellar. So, get ready to comment, readers, and let us know your top pick. You chose the winner, and they win cash money. (And who doesn’t need a little of that around the holidays?).

Entry #1

When I first moved to L.A. in May 2005 I was awestruck and terrified. Of the movie stars and earthquakes, you ask? Not even! I was completely in awe of the sheer number of vehicles on the road at any given time and terrified of how to safely drive among them! The first thing I learned at the intersection of La Cienega and Hollywood Blvd. is that you HAVE to turn left on orange (that tiny window between yellow and red) or you will be cursed, honked and gestured to wildly. And that’s not an Angeleno’s version of flirting! Also, completely infuriating to me was the parking regulation signs, a.k.a ticket traps! You need a high IQ and an elephants memory to completely comprehend all the rules! I would suggest any newbie take a seriously long walk around their neighborhood memorizing all the street cleaning days and hours within their first 24 hours in the City of Angels! Oh, and take those temporary “filming” parking signs seriously. They WILL tow. Listen up rookies, the first thing you need to do when you move to Los Angeles is to start driving (and parking) like the locals. And of course, learn from my mistake…s.

- Cara Gayle Grippin, nanny/ professional auditioner

Entry #2

Join a group and get connected. In today’s 2.0 world it’s as easy to become siloed in your home as it is to get involved and become a part of your community. In Los Angeles, it’s even easier.

As an introvert, I am challenged every day to go out of my comfort zone and meet people. I suppose that is why I enjoy these ready-made communities of potential friends. There are opportunities to join groups all across the US, but finding a group of like-minded people is vital to experiencing Los Angeles your way, because it is so many things to so many different people.

Los Angeles is a huge sprawling city, filled with over 10 million people that drive everywhere they go. You’ve heard the song “Walking in L.A.,” right?  It’s true – nobody walks in L.A. Those may not be the exact lyrics, but it makes my point and is certainly true. I come from a bustling city where sidewalks are filled with people, pets and strollers so it was difficult for me to “bump into” like-minded individuals when I first moved to Los Angeles.

Nightlife is also very different here than anywhere else I’ve lived. It’s challenging to find your kind of hot spot; there isn’t just one for the 20/30/40 something crowd. There’s a hot spot depending on what part of the city you’re in and you have to know where to find them.

If you’ve recently moved to Hollywood, join a MeetUp group, like The Yellow Umbrella, to meet new people. If you’re farther south, you’ll find a fun twist on social networking with Prank Monkey, co-ed intramural sports on the beach or enjoy group hiking adventures with the Outdoors Club.

Finding your kind of people is the key to experiencing your kind of Los Angeles; a city with so much to offer you need a community to help you grow your kind of social calendar.

Sara Romero, Independent Copywriter

Entry #3

One thing you must do after moving to L.A. is become acquainted with this eclectic city and find your unique L.A. personality. Every area and neighborhood has a certain character and special feel to it, and where you live and play can make or break your stay in L.A. Are you a free spirited musician that leans towards the independent boutiques and coffee shops? Check out Silverlake. Stylish fashionista acquired to the finer things in life? Maybe Beverly Hills. A fan of surfing, fish tacos and laid-back California living? Check out the South Bay. Lover of nightlife and all things celebrity: Hollywood could be your home. Explore everything from the mellow beaches to the picturesque hills to the high rises of downtown. Check out the 10 Words for 10 different cites and see where you fit it.

1.) Hollywood – nightlife, entertainment, Sunset Blvd. Katsuya, Pink’s, Bright Lights/Big City.

2.) Beverly Hills – posh, upscale, Rodeo Drive, Spago, Maestro’s, Peninsula, Old Hollywood Glamour.

3.) Santa Monica – Casa del Mar, The Pier, 3rd Street Promenade, beach chic.

4.) Hermosa Beach – sun, beer bongs, Sharkeez, fish tacos, California-casual, The Pier.

5.) Malibu – surfing, celebs, convertibles, The Colony, Duke’s, Moonshadows, upscale beach glam.

6.) Studio City – hip, happening, Firefly, Ventura Blvd., parks, modish schools, CBS Studios.

7.) Silverlake – hilly, artsy, quirky, diverse, modernist architecture, indie rock scene, reservoir.

8.) Los Felix – trendy, independent, Greek Theater, affluent, chill nightlife, The Dresden Room.

9.) Venice – Good times, Gjlina, Abbott Kinney, Venice Beach, street performers, whimsical.

10.)Brentwood – Country Market, Suburbia, exclusive, Toscana, family-orientated, notable residents, Banderas. – Kimberly Fisher

Entry #4

New to Los Angeles? Get Lost!
Settling into one of the most populated and sprawling cities in the world can be daunting. To cope, most people carve out a simple existence that minimizes exposure to life outside of a self imposed bubble. Little do they know that a few steps outside that bubble can lead to rewarding and memorable experiences in a vibrant city with limitless possibilities.

The Simple Life
When folks first arrive to L.A., they look for normalcy in what can seem like a chaotic city. They turn their lives into a bubble in which they can safely — and sanely — exist. That bubble usually looks like this:

* An apartment or dorm room where they can get dressed, watch TV, sleep, eat, and quietly make calls home to Mom and Dad.
* An office or school where they spend most of their day working, learning, and chatting with friends on Facebook or Twitter.
* A gym for exercise, extracurricular activities, and scoping out the “meat” market.
* A favorite bar or restaurant (usually close to their home, office/school, or gym) for liquid nourishment, karaoke, and hanging out with new friends.

This bubble of existence makes day-to-day life manageable. Ultimately, though, life becomes boring and predictable.

Get Lost!
It may come as a surprise to newbies, but there’s so much more to life outside your spherical existence! “But where do I start?”, you ask.

My answer: It doesn’t matter. Get lost.

I’ve found that the best way to see Los Angeles and find out what’s going on is to simply get out there and get lost. Literally.

The next time you are heading home from work or the gym, try this: drive, ride the bus, or walk (hah!), until you have no clue where you are. Once you get there, take a look around and see what life is like outside of your everyday routine. You’ll be surprised what you might find.

Equipment for Your Trip
Of course, safety first. Before you begin your walk-about (I use that term loosely, I know this is L.A.) make sure you are fully equipped. Here’s what you’ll need.

* Use dependable transportation. Make sure your gas tank is full, your Metro card is paid up, and your shoes are comfortable.
* Get a handheld GPS. They’re fairly cheap these days and come in handy for figuring out where you are and what’s around you. But get this: don’t turn it on until you get to where you’re going. You can’t get lost if you know where you’re going! More importantly, you can use it to figure out how to get back home.
* Get a Thomas Guide for offline browsing. These books are the “OG” GPS apps and work great without the need to be recharged. At just $20 for the most recent LA edition, its also a bargain. (http://www.thomas.com)

The Road Less Traveled
Adjusting to life in a new place can be daunting whether its a small town or a metropolis. Making a comfortable day-to-day routine is important but after a while can leave one wanting for more.

The next time you have an opportunity, take a step outside of your circle of comfort and get lost. Once you find your way back — experienced and accomplished — you’ll never look at the city the same way again. – Michael Jenkins-Brown

Don’t forget to vote for your favorite entry in the comments.

A few holidays ago my family decided to do a Yankee Swap – it’s sorta like a Secret Santa game only when it’s your turn to open a gift, you can pick an unopened one or “steal” someone else’s previously opened present. We had to bring gag gifts for this particular round of swapping, so I brought a teddy bear that my friend, Kate, inherited from an office party at Warner Brothers. This particular bear was that creepy little guy from the film, A.I. When you pressed a button, he said  things like “I’m very grumpy,” in a slightly disturbing voice that I figured someone in my family would get a kick out of. So, I wrapped up creepy bear and toted him home to the Carolinas. On Christmas morning, my grandmother opted to open a new gift. When she opened creepy bear, she was instantly ecstatic.  “He’s so cute,” she said.

“Oh but Grandma,” I warned fearing she’d get a heart attack if that bear spoke out of turn. “He’s really kinda strange.”
“Oh, but I love him,” she continued. She didn’t let anyone else get the to the bear.

Years later she still talks about that furry little thing. She’s even reported that after years of pressing his tummy he sometimes says brand new things  And as strange as it all is, it’s probably one of the best gifts I’ve ever given her.

Picking up swag around the office can be a gift.

Living in Los Angeles has allowed me to be privy to a few things which people from out of state are not. Creepy bears are one thing, signed headshots of Demi Lovato are another. I’ve scored tickets to “American Idol,” and the occasional unique find from a shop on Hollywood & Highland or downtown Los Angeles.

As an L.A. resident, there’s no reason you can’t take advantage of the little things you encounter on a daily basis that your friends and family back home will just think the cats meow of when you give it as a gift. Here are a few ideas in no particular order:

1. Signed headshots, posters or underwear from that famous, semi-famous or almost famous person you work with.  Now’s the only time of year where you can truly blame your little sister when you ask Miley for a signed coffee cup at the Coffee Bean in Toluca Lake (yup, that’s where she lives, case you’re wondering).

A map to the stars and a little gas could get you a gift for grandma.

2. Why not grab one of those “Maps of the Stars Houses” and then drive around to all the locations and take pictures of the foliage-covered facades? Hey, even if it’s not the celebs home, they all look the same from behind a gate lined with thick shrubbery. Your Grandmother will love showing her friends where her nephew “lives.”

3. Head downtown and grab anything from Chinatown and  you’ll be set. More specifically, if you can find a decent looking knock off purse for your 14 year old cousin, you’ll be her BFF.

4. Need to mail a gift instead of brining one in person? Search for cupcake or cookie companies that know how to Fedex. May we recommend DeLuscious Cookies & Milk? Their to-die-for delectables will arrive in a day or two on the doorstep of your little brother’s Frat house, but they probably won’t make it inside once the guys get a taste of the Chocolate Decadence, Rocky Road or surprisingly awesome Sugar Cookie. These cookies are so in-demand; I’ve attended parties at Lydia’s house (she’s the owner of the company), and witnessed people stuffing their purses with the scrumptious treats.

5. Spend a crisp December Saturday strolling Venice Boardwalk and pick up a few art pieces for your crazy Aunt Ilene. Not only can you get great deals on the Boardwalk, but you can also find some pretty amazing pieces that people have really put their soul and talent in to. From a unique Day of the Dead skull to hand-crafted jewelry, the Boardwalk boasts all kinds of interesting gifts of art.

6. While you’re at Venice Beach, use  your medical card and pick up some key ingredients for those trippy brownies you got so good at making. Just be smart when it comes to wrapping and delivering these babies or grandpa might be losing more than his teeth this year.

7.  Kitson. Everybody’s doing it. Well, they were a few years ago at least. But hey, just like with Ed Hardy and oversized sunglasses, everyone in other cities is a bit behind. Just don’t send these gifts to your friends in Paris and NYC.

Sand and shells captures the Pacific for a unique gift.

8.  Is your East Coast family a bit more sentimental? Bring them a jar with some Pacific Ocean sand and write something creative on the glass jar.

9.  Got swag? If you work in the industry, you’ve probably been handed a t-shirt, album, magazine, or something there of that you think nothing of, but your little cousins would go nuts over. Before you throw away that promotional item from True Blood or iCarly because they’re a dime a dozen in your office, think about what it may have meant to you if you received it three or four years ago. Even if you don’t work in Hollywood, your L.A. based company probably has some pretty interesting things you could give away. Just don’t try to pass off company logo pens and letterhead as a gift.

10.  L.A.-centric boutiques. There are a ton of shops here in Los Angeles that you can’t find anywhere else. Whether it is that cute dress shop on Ventura Blvd or the raw food store in Los Filez, you’re sure to find something unique to Los Angeles that will excite your family this holiday.

Happy Shopping! Happy Holidays! – Heather Broeker

“We gotta do something about this TSA thing! They’re infringing on our rights!” – Some guy

“Are you gonna sell me a smoothie or not?” -Yassir responding to same guy

Comedy genius, Yassir Lester

I’ve been reading/hearing a lot about the new screening process the TSA has implemented in airports nationwide in order to crack down on terrorism. Or potential terrorism. There has been a public backlash, people feeling their rights are being violated, and that the Obama administration have taken things too far with the use of full body scanners to check for devices that people may be hiding as they board the plane. Because most people aren’t hiding weapons of moderate destruction, they feel that the TSA is just watching naked people on a screen all day. And this really makes people mad.

And I say, “Hey people, shut up, get on the plane, cause I want to see my family.”

Are you kidding me? You’re mad because you think that some TSA employee is going to remember a digital recreation of your body and do nasty things to it? They’re not. TSA employees hate their jobs, and they hate you. They want nothing more than to let every single person on without checking them for anything, eat at the airport Burger King, and talk about finding a babysitter this weekend cause they haven’t been to the club in a minute.

The last thing that’s on their mind is you. And that’s the way it should be. Someone who hates their job will get you in and out mostly without hassle and with a certain amount of competence that the general public lacks. I have no problem getting a body scan. You know why? Because I knew this was coming. If you’ve never seen a movie or read a book, I can understand why you might be surprised at the aggressive nature of the Transportation Security Administration’s newest screening system. But, I’m a pop culture junkie, and everything that’s ever been written about the future shows the dystopian, ‘all watching eye of the government’ bullsh*t that’s happening now. So no, I’m not surprised, and I also support the security measures. Why? Because my TV can stream Netflix directly to it in HD without a computer.

We can’t expect only sunshine and flowers in the new technological landscape we live in. We have the internet, and most of us spend a majority of our time on it looking at pornography (not me, because if you don’t have quality set design, I can’t even take you seriously). The internet was created as a means of communication between military bases. And we use it for porn and keyboard cats. We have iPhones. We have X-boxes and Playstations with cameras that can detect our movements and let you play with cyber tigers, or Cygers. If you wanted you could even cyber with a Cyger. You really think that the public can access that kind of computer genius, and that the government wouldn’t use it to their advantage as well? If you do, you’re stuuuuuuuuuupid.

What’s the alternative? A physical pat-down. A harsh one. Now what seems worse to you? Someone seeing your fake naked body on a screen, or feeling your real naked body in their hands?

I think this all comes back to people’s body image. If everyone were ripped and model thin, this wouldn’t be an issue. But people are fat. People are too skinny. People don’t like their thighs, or their waist. Well, I’ve got news for you; You’re in-securities aren’t going the jeopardize my security. If you don’t want TSA dude #1 making a comment about your love handles, go for a jog before you fly. I have gigantic puffy nipples. That’s not even a joke. If I wear a tank top I look like I glued two clown’s noses to my rib cage. And I’m one of those weird dudes who’s skinny with a gut. In the body scanner I probably look like some weird 23rd century hermaphrodite. But I deal with it. One because I’d rather this than a cavity search. And two, I love Chick Fil-a too much to try and give up on it now, and this belly ain’t goin’ nowhere.

So I say to the TSA, keep doing your job. Until some “green scientist” comes up with a way to scan you for weapons while keeping your feelings intact, I don’t see anything wrong. And to everyone that has a problem with it, get rid of every piece of technology you own, because its all the same thing. Everything you do is being monitored by someone, and unless you live off the grid*, you’re not hiding from anyone.

You don’t want your body scanned or be pat down? Take a mode of transportation that does neither. Go Greyhound. They won’t give you any trouble at all. And they also won’t search that newly released murderer sitting up front who was given a ticket by the prison to get home. Or take a train. Or get a horse and carriage.

Me? Scan, take pictures, video, whatever involves no fingers on or in me. Atlanta’s too far to drive (for the seventh time).

Also, as someone who’s always “randomly searched” because of my name, NONE of you have the right to complain. If I’m not doing it, you don’t either.

How amazing is this new world we live in? I’m writing this on my phone on the way to the airport. Look up, by the time you read this, I’ll be waving from 35,000 feet.

Happy Holidays! – Yassir Lester

*off the grid is a hippy way of saying homeless

Vindictive Vin

Greetings! My name is Vindictive Vin and it is not a pseudonym. In fact, it is another facet of my complex and obsessive compulsive personality. I am here to answer questions about life, love and relationships. Why? Because I can. Make no mistake, I’m a nice guy. And yes, that was a stolen shot. And yes, I love California. Got a problem with that?

If you have L.A. dilemmas, send me your questions at dr.joint665@gmail.com or STC editor, lori@survivethecity.com.

Dear Vindictive Vin,

The holidays are approaching so I need help with gift planning. Who gets gifts and who doesn’t? If I’m traveling from L.A. to the East Coast and spending money on a ticket, do I also need to bring gifts?  Do you have any ideas for gifts that work well in the mail?

Thanks,
Bah Humbug

Hmm..Scrooge suddenly had the urge to ask himself if gift giving should be on the agenda this Christmas. Congratulations! Seriously, you should give gifts to whoever had the heart to assist you in times of need. In other words, give meaningful gifts to your true friends. Regrettably, LaLa land has more hookers and gold diggers than the above mentioned factor. This makes me sad. Humanity is not at its end (at least not yet, just please give the Honda Civic a decent facelift!) and it is never too late for a change. I may never know what I am talking about, but I honestly believe you get my point.

Now, if you think traveling a few hundred or thousand miles and showing your mug to your relatives and special someone is enough to elicit joy, I would suggest going back to the cave where you came from and indulge in new age culture, for crying out loud. But if you prefer to spend money to travel to a particular faraway place just to pretend you are not broke (when, in all honesty, you are indeed broke) then it’s probably time for a wake-up call. Are you trying to save money by scrimping on the gift giving process? It only happens once a year (I mean Christmas). Loosen up. What better way to enjoy the holidays than by savoring the act of gift giving? You will not regret it.

The best gifts that work well with the mail would have to be penis enlargement devices and supplements that aim to enhance the specimen. Sending your best bud (or boyfriend, for that matter) a penis enlargement pump would not exactly end the friendship, but it will raise doubts on all aspects of your personality (yes, including your sanity.) Almost all things available in the consumer market can now be ordered directly online and is available to be delivered right to your neighbor’s doorstep. Browse, click and have fun! Don’t forget to send me some Siberian maral deer horn pills while you’re at it.

Send me an email via dr.joint665@gmail.com. Forget the website. I would love to hear your comments, queries, suggestions or similar advice.  Until then, stay civilized and try to stay out of trouble.