Why saying bye to shy is a good thing
Your mom was wrong. 
Well, she was wrong for anyone past adolescence living in Los Angeles. Talking to strangers can be the best way to get adjusted to L.A. Here’s some evidence to support this theory.
This Survive the City writer was a painfully shy kid, teenager, college student and technically still feels that way as an adult. But while shy, moving to L.A. in many ways pushed boundaries, and made me step outside my comfort zone. That’s the best part of being in a new city. No one has preconceived notions about who you are, and you can be just as crazy or cool as you want. You are just another face in the melting pot, and the only way to stand out is to be you and be bold. Re-invention is allowed, and perhaps even, encouraged. Now, that’s not saying to peacock it up with crazy outfits or flamboyant hairstyles. In this area your mom was right; actions speak louder than words.
A shy girl in a big city with no preconceived notions about her learns the only way you make friends, business contacts, attract potential mates or just get around day-to-day is not be SHY. Now, we all also realize L.A. isn’t a howdy doody, know-all-your-neighbors small-town. Yet, many are quick to forget that numerous current residents are from that type of town. There are the few L.A. born-and-raiseders who will roll their eyes at your naive attempts at conversation, but the ratio of those willing to chat verses those who cold shoulder is greatly in your favor.
Upon arrival it’s easy to get the idea that everyone is much cooler than you. Similar to a high school for adults, where you are the new kid that just doesn’t quite fit in yet. These L.A. people have style and seem so in the know, and connected. But, many are transplants that are overcompensating for all the things they don’t know. Join the ranks. Smile, chat, make jokes and be audacious. You’d be surprised how far it will get you.
Also, mom was right about that whole judging a book by its cover thing. In L.A., that will bite you in the ass, and quick. That guy on the bus could be the CEO for a major company doing his part to be “green.” Or that cute bartender you just stiffed, could also be the assistant to a powerful casting agent. L.A. isn’t like the Northeast where businessmen don suits and ties. It’s Hollywood; baby, and casual West coast cool is always in fashion.
Recently on a flight, I tested this theory. I was bold, talked to the people next to me for the entire four-hour flight. We exchanged cards, and ends up we have common friends and interest and might be able to help each other out on future projects. Certainly not to say every person you meet is gonna love this chatty approach, and not everyone will be able to help you. But while L.A. often feels so massive and overwhelming, yucking it up with strangers is the quickest way to make those howdy doody, know-all-your-neighbors small-town connections that make a place feel start to feel like home.
– Lori Bartlett
Tags: adjusted to L.A, living in Los Angeles, new to los angeles, shy, Survive the City of L.A, talking to strangers
Comment by Shelley — July 13, 2010 @ 2:56 am
I still remember your first interview (and second…should have hired you the first time!) It’s been great watching you adjust to the city and really love it! Readers should know you practice what you preach…some of your first and best friends were other transplants found on My Space right?
Comment by Carlo Tino — November 8, 2010 @ 10:26 am
Thanks a lot for helpful info. Keep up the neat work. I’ll be returning often.